i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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