i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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