Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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