This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Alive.
So much puke
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
