She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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