your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
