You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize