My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
