my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
