Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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