I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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