So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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