Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
