Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
