a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
