I seem to have left my pride at pride
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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