just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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