Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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