i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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