she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
