only if we run a train.
done.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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