Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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