nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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