and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize