You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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