its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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