Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
