glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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