Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
even my farts smell like vagina
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
