You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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