Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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