I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
