Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
