I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
