What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
