Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
