kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
