how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
