Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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