return my video game
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
