I'm really into asian looking animals
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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