Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
