Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
