I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
