I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
