Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
