I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
