We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
