I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
