i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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