you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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