I just gift wrapped bread.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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