What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
