sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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