After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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