omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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