Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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