Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
