I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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