Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
