the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
