i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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