So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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