Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So apparently I’m into choking now
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