did you get engaged???
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
