Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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