im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize