it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
