Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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